And Everyone's Laughing But Me
by Ayakaishi Fei
Summary: Comfort comes in many forms. Twisted. Taikari. Contains references to drug abuse, child abuse and sex.


Title: .And Everyone's Laughing But Me  
  
Author: FireDemon  
  
E-mail: Ken_Dai_Love@hotmail.com  
  
Rating: R  
  
Category: Angst,  
  
Warnings: Child Abuse, Drug Abuse, Incest, Refers to Sex.  
  
Summary: Taikari. Sometimes you'll take comfort anyway you can. Very disturbing. Shit Happens, and sometimes pain is better then nothing.  
  
The feel of your hand on my skin,  
  
Your voice in my ear,  
  
Your lips in my hair,  
  
I'm your forbidden angel,  
  
Don't you forget.  
  
The ice on my face,  
  
The burn of a tear,  
  
Why do I cry?  
  
What do I fear?  
  
Your hands or your voice,  
  
Your lips in my hair,  
  
Don't touch me!  
  
I forbid it.  
  
I'm the Angel of Fear.  
  
~FireDemon  
  
I run my hand along the kitchen bench top, and examine the dust on my finger with a fabricated smile.  
  
"Tut, tut, tut, mother dearest." My voice rings in the empty kitchen; "Father will be so disappointed when he comes home. but wait I forgot. Fathers never coming home is he?" My empty laugh rings in the empty kitchen, and I look down at the knife in my other hand.  
  
"This. it's someone's idea of a joke isn't it?" I ask mockingly, "Hikari Yagami, holder of the crest of light, murderer, drug addict and slut?" I shake my head, "and everyone's laughing but me."  
  
Taichi stares at me, his once bright eyes dull.  
  
"I'm not laughing Hika-chan."  
  
"Oh Taichi. you never did," Even now my voice is coldly mocking him, "You never got the joke either. But they're all laughing at us Taichi. You had the crest of courage Taichi, but you never had the courage to stand up to him." I laugh, and Taichi winces.  
  
"Stop it," He pleads, "Kaasan will be home soon."  
  
"Oh Taichi." I begin soothingly. I feel as if I'm talking to a rather dull child,  
  
"Kaasan's dead. She's never coming home Taichi," There is no trace of regret in my voice, no sympathy, I note to my surprise, or, what would have been surprise, if I had still cared.  
  
"And everybody's dead but you and me, and soon Taichi, we'll be dead too." I lift the knife, and hold it out to him.  
  
"They couldn't be trusted, but I can trust you Chi-chan. You know that this is how it has to be."  
  
Taichi stares down at the cris-crossing scars on my arm.  
  
It isn't the first time he's seen them.  
  
Each one of them has a story.  
  
Just like his own.  
  
"No Hika, don't you see they're gone! It'll just be you and me Hika. You and me."  
  
I laugh; does he really think I'll believe that?  
  
"Taichi, it can't be just you and me. it's wrong, oh so wrong."  
  
"We'll leave 'Kari. We'll move to Osaka, or further if you like. We'll run away to Australia, just you and me, forever."  
  
Another laugh.  
  
"You'll fall in love again. And then you'll leave me."  
  
The knife glittered threateningly.  
  
"Hikari."  
  
"You'll leave me. Everyone leaves me. I'm a dirty whore. I deserve to die."  
  
".Kari."  
  
The laugh scratches my throat. It hurts.  
  
"Hush Taichi," My lips on his, my brother. This is oh so wrong.  
  
"'Kari." He pulls away.  
  
I drop the knife; I don't want to cut any more.  
  
"Taichi-chan. where's 'Kaasan?" I think I'm whimpering, but I don't care. I'm scared. The room whirls around me, as if I'm on a merry-go-round.  
  
"Hika." His voice is hesitant, he's scared.  
  
"I think I'm coming down." I whimper, wincing as my stomach heaves, and I lose my lunch.  
  
His arms wrap around me, and he pats my back soothingly.  
  
"Shouldn't have done the speed," I whisper.  
  
"Hika. You were already high on weed," He tells me in a horrified whisper.  
  
Not at me taking drugs, but at me doing more then one at once.  
  
He doesn't like that.  
  
Reminds him of Kaasan I suppose.  
  
My head spins, and I look up on the bench.  
  
The knife is coated with blood.  
  
Whose blood?  
  
"Whose blood?" I whisper.  
  
"Tousans. Kaasans. You killed them Hika."  
  
I give a bitter laugh. A forced laugh.  
  
".And everyone's laughing but me."  
  
"You're sick Kari. You need help."  
  
I glare, "No Taichi. I'm fine. I'm good."  
  
His head seems to come in and then fade out of focus. I grab his hair and kiss him roughly.  
  
"Stay still Taichi. And hold the room still, it won't stop spinning." I laugh giddily. My head hurts.  
  
"Hika-chan. Stop.Stop."  
  
"Stop what?" I laugh again, I can't help it. "Where's Yama-sama-banana- rama."  
  
I giggle at the name.  
  
"Matt's at home Kari."  
  
"I want a dexy." I complain.  
  
He hugs me tighter.  
  
"Taichi?"  
  
"Hai?" He doesn't let me go.  
  
"I feel dirty." A statement, not a question. There's no need for a response.  
  
"Hush."  
  
I kiss him again.  
  
"Tell me I'm fat Taichi. Tell me I'm ugly. Say you hate me."  
  
He hugs me closer saying nothing.  
  
I laugh, wrapping myself around him.  
  
"You need help," he repeats, but he doesn't push me away.  
  
"So do you," I mock him.  
  
He draws me closer.  
  
Once upon a time I hated this.  
  
"Wish upon a starlit day," He sings softly, "I can make your dreams come true."  
  
I kiss him.  
  
"I hate you. I hate you more then I could ever say."  
  
"This is wrong." He whispers.  
  
"Oh so wrong," I agree.  
  
"How did you become like this 'Kari-chan? You used to be innocent, I'm sure of it."  
  
"I was always dirty on the inside Taichi, I just needed somebody to bring it out."  
  
"The drugs." He whispers sadly, "Kaasans drugs."  
  
"Tousans touches." I add.  
  
"I did this to you."  
  
I kiss him, shut up Taichi. Fuck me hard and bleed my pain away.  
  
"Make hate to me Taichi, until I bleed inside."  
  
"You're twisted."  
  
I shrug. I am. And some day the rest of the world will know it too.  
  
Authors Notes: Don't ask me where this came from. It's twisted, and actually rather scary. Finding out that a hazy memory I'd dismissed as nonsense wasn't as fabricated as I wanted to believe probably helped. Finding out that your little sisters have been sexually abused isn't a good thing, and sometimes there's nothing you can do about it.  
  
Now I guess I know why I'm so weird when it comes to relationships with people. Child abuse happens. Drug abuse happens. Shit happens - Deal with it. 


End file.
